


Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

by callmenewbie



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mom!Steve, Pining, blowjob, mellow!billy, not too much conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:18:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmenewbie/pseuds/callmenewbie
Summary: And then something started to flicker inside Steve’s brain. Every time when Billy smiled at him,reallysmiled, every time he casually touched Steve’s hand when taking a cigarette from him, times when he leaned just a bit too close to him or looked at him in a way that seemed to dare him to do something stupid. He knew what this flicker meant and it worried him. A lot.





	Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> So I just had to get this out of my system, I could't stop thinking about these two and Christmas is near, so that's for that. Also this fic's got a bit fluffy and Billy isn't as much of a crazy asshole as he actually is, but oh well. Hope you' re gonna enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Steve was leaning to the side of his car, smoking. Billy reached out with a mischievous grin and took his cigarette, promptly placing it between his lips and inhaled deeply. Steve’s eyebrows lifted up like saying “ _really? _”__

____

It was all weird a little bit, if Steve wanted to be honest with himself. It was barely a year ago, when Billy beat the shit out of him, leaving him with a concussion, bruises and slow healing tiny scars all over his head and face and yet here they were.

 

Since it was too cold for the kids to cycle everywhere all the time Steve usually gave them a lift. It’s not like he had anything better to do, he stopped hanging out with the others from school, except from Jonathan and Nancy, which was awfully awkward at first. Now it was just a little bit awkward.  
But they all wanted to stay close, stay friends, so they were working on it, still sometimes it was better to just go separate ways. Also Steve wouldn’t like to admit it, but he actually did like these kids.  
And of course there was the unexpected brightside of the situation: Billy Hargrove.

He was already giving drives for the kids for about a month when they first crossed each other’s path. And honestly it wasn’t at all pretty.

The reason he never saw him before was that he always picked up Max just minutes before he arrived, probably very much on purpose. And then there was _that day _.__

____

When Steve pulled up in the Arcade’s parking lot all the kids were waiting close to the entrance, talking loud and gesturing widely and he saw Max’s flaming red hair in the middle of the tiny crowd of boys. His brows furrowed as he stopped the car, waiting for them to get closer. To no one’s surprise Dustin addressed the issue first handedly.  
“Steve, can we take Max home with us?” Steve looked at the girl slightly confused.

“Isn’t Billy coming to pick you up?”

“He’s late,” she said with a shrug, but then added: “He’s never late, I don’t think he’s coming.”

“Fine,” he said, because really what else can he do than take her? Looking over all of them he realised that here was a slight problem though. “But there’s too many of you. Someone has to sit in someone else’s lap.”

The announcement was being followed by a loud debate which first dealt with the problem of who’s lap is Max going to sit in, but that was a short topic, as she just simply called shotgun and let the other dipshits deal with the issue. But Steve’s patience was running low, so he just assigned Lucas to sit in Dustin’s lap behind the driver’s seat and started to drop them off one by one. First Will, because he knew the later he brings him home, the more worried Joyce gets every time (it was still very rare when she didn’t come personally to pick him up anyway), and then Mike, Dustin and Lucas, until there was only him and Max left in the car.

He absentmindedly drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a song that he heard before but didn’t know the name of and Max was just staring out the window. They never really talked before - not much since he woke up in the Camaro half-dead anyways - and they didn’t really know each other that well, so beside some directions they kept relative quiet, although it was actually a pretty content kind of silence.

When they pulled up on the driveway, right behind - what Steve guessed was - the car of Billy’s dad he thought about driving home and getting into bed, under warm covers in his big empty house… but then again when was it that simple?

When he got out of the car just barely standing behind the open car door, watching her get through the entrance safely, he caught a glimpse of Billy in the window, it was quite dark and he was a bit far, but he still couldn’t miss the ice bag he was holding to his face just above his right brow. They locked eyes for a few seconds - which felt like forever for Steve - when Billy finally broke the contact and walked out of view, disappearing somewhere deep inside the house.

Steve felt angry that night, because he thought that Billy had at least as much of a sense of responsibility to not to get into fights, when he had to pick up Max. Clearly, he was wrong. Or maybe it wasn’t that big a deal and he was the one who spent way too much time and energy keeping those shitheads in line and worrying about them. This thought still didn’t waved away his anger though.

But that anger didn’t idle much longer, as the next time Billy came to pick up Max, he waited for him, they didn’t talk then but days after days he waited for him, every time he brought or picked her up.

They started to have cigarettes together while waiting, not really talking at first, but slowly the more time they spent together the more they talked and after a month Steve had to realise that Billy was slowly but surely becoming his closest friend. Which was an insane thought. And just a bit pathetic. But it was what it was.

There was no lingering awkwardness, opposite to what he had with Nancy and Jonathan, it was plain and simple and close. And it wasn’t like they were intimate either, they never talked about personal stuff, Billy always talked about school, basketball and music (the latest made Steve think that they might actually be able get on with Jonathan) and never about his home, his family or California, and Steve likewise didn’t talk about hunting monsters, breaking up with the girl he thought was the love of his life or the nightmares that had him waking up swimming in sweat almost every night. And it was content. And it was good.  
And then it turned out that was only the calm before the storm. And boy was the storm powerful.

 

It was Tuesday and Steve went to pick up the kids from the Arcade quite early, since it was school night and he knew they were having tests the day after. He had a smoke with Billy, leaning up to the side of the Camaro, while some soft metal muffled through the rolled-up windows. Billy seemed to be on the edge. It happened sometimes, but Steve never found out why, but he did know that most of the times it meant that on the next day he’s either gonna be an especially huge asshole or have mysterious bruises and although he didn’t know who Billy was picking fights with, it made his stomach curl into an uncomfortable knot.

The kids were late. He was already about to go in and get them when the entrance swung open and the kids practically flowed through it, as they all started towards the cars they were speaking at the same time telling him that they know they’re late and that they’re sorry but Lucas was having such a winning strike - on a game that he already forgot the name of as soon as they said it - that it took longer.

Max’s smile seemed to fade away in the moment she saw Billy and as Steve glanced over to him, he could understand her completely. His face was rigid and his jaw was clenched, he looked like a predator right before jumping on the prey.

“You’re late,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, I’m so-“

“You’re fucking late on a fucking school night,” he interrupted while throwing his cigarette butt on the ground. “Get in the car,” he was dangerously quiet. But Max stilled on her feet.  
Steve knew and logically Max’s known as well that Billy wouldn’t pick on her or the others anymore. But he was still unpredictable and well… scary. “I said get in the god damn car!” He shouted and that seemed to do the trick, her feet were finally moving, towards the passenger side and in a few seconds they were gone.  
While the boys exchanged some worried looks, Steve just sighed. Things seemed to be so fine and so normal and now it looked like as no time passed at all since Billy broke his face in.

He drove the kids home and returned to his house, still with a knot in his stomach. Like a bad feeling, like something was about to happen, but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He made omelette for dinner, ‘cause no one can tell him that it was only a breakfast food. And then he retreated to the living room. He had a feeling that it was a night when bad dreams would come and he always felt just slightly better when he was on the ground floor, when he was closer to the door to escape through it if needed, or attack faster whoever or _whatever _would intrude. It was the latest that worried him the most.__

____

He was lying down on the sofa, tucked under a heavy, navy blue blanket when a loud screeching noise came from outside, like a break stomped on violently. Suddenly he was alert.

He grabbed his spiked bat from underneath the sofa and carefully walked over to the window to pull the curtains away just by inches so that he can see who’s there. When he saw the Camaro parking askew in front of his house he furrowed his brows and slowly lowered down the bat, but didn’t let go: you never know _why _people would visit you at night. He knew he was being paranoid, but the bad feeling in his gut just wouldn’t let go.  
He walked over to the front door, opened it halfway and watched as Billy practically shoved Max towards the house. As she neared in, he could saw the trails of tears on her cheeks and an overall very flushed out expression.__

____

“Hey,” he said darkly, while keeping the bat out of sight, behind the door.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Well that was not actually what Steve expected, but he slowly nodded anyways, and inclined his head a little bit.

“What’s this about? Is everything alright?”

_What about the others? Is everyone safe? Are there monsters on the way? _He didn’t say these out loud, but gripped on the bat just ever so slightly stronger. He was going insane for sure.__

____

Though the only answer he got from her was a nervous glance towards Billy and then back at him. She looked at him with slightly trembling lips and said “Talk to him.” And then she pushed past him, leaving him standing sheepishly in his own doorway, looking worried and confused.

He leaned up the bat to the wall, just beside that small chest of drawer they kept shoes inside and keys on the top, but instead of grabbing a key, he just pulled the door in behind himself, not quite closing it.

He walked up to the Camaro, just to get the unexpected sight of Billy Hargrove’s face. It was dark and from the distance he couldn’t see his face, but now closer up, under the street lights he could see the slowly drying blood just under his nose, drawing a messy line towards his upper lip and a tiny, probably still very painful crack on his right eyebrow, accompanied by a rapidly swelling eyelid. All in all he looked like death warmed over.

He was smoking and the flickering light just made it more obvious that his hands were shaking. Steve just about to had enough of this bullshit, whatever it was.  
Picking fights and getting Max in danger? That kind of shit just won’t fly with him.

“Are you gonna tell me what the fuck happened?” He asked, but there wasn’t a real edge to his words.

Billy didn’t look at him, he was blowing smoke towards the sky and with his eyes he was following its trail, they were standing like that for seconds, until he finally answered and his voice was a bit raspy and just way too small. “My dad… he gets pretty upset about shit. He comes at me rough sometimes,” he looked like he was trying to find the right words, the good words to describe this horrible thing and he seemed more concerned about the phrasing than the actual fact, like somehow it was normal for him, which made Steve feel uneasy and sick in the stomach.

“He flipped out at me and that little shit,” he started, pointing with his cigarette towards the house, like there was anyone else he could be talking about right now. “She… she just jumped in and tried to protect me or whatever the fuck she was trying to do. And he just grabbed her. And he wanted to hit her too.”

Steve had questions. A lot of them. But he knew that eventually he’s gonna get more information out from Max than from Billy.

“She can’t go back tonight,” he finished matter of factly.

“Yeah… of course,” and that was when it registered in Steve’s brain: it was only Max who was in the house and Billy was still standing outside, in the dark and cold night.

“And what about you? You can’t go back either.”

“I got used to it, it’s fine.”

“What?” Shrieked Steve, just a pitch higher than he would want it to come out. “You can’t go back,” he repeated in disbelief.

“Are you worried about me, princess? How sweet,” his smile was all teeth, but it was empty. And somehow it scared Steve, made him increasingly more anxious, than he was just about two minutes ago.

“Shut up. Get in the fucking house,” he finally seemed to regain his confidence as anger filled his chest. _That fucking bastard. _  
Now that he knew who was that Billy picked fights with, he kind of wished he wouldn’t. It was fucked up. But fortunately he was quite familiar with fucked up situations.__

____

But Billy didn’t seem to move a muscle and Steve started to lose his patience, either that or worrying was about to get the better of him. But he preferred to think it was the former and pushed every other thought aside for the moment. “Do you want me to drag you inside or…?” He left the sentence purposefully unfinished. He hoped that Billy would oblige as he knew very well, that he wasn’t actually strong enough to drag him inside against his will.

____

Billy arched an eyebrow and there was a faint smile in the corner of his mouth, he held Steve’s gaze for a moment, then finally he threw the cigarette butt on the ground, practically destroying it with the heels of his boots. “Fine.”

____

He started to walk towards the house and Steve followed closely, but right before the front door Billy halted which made him almost losing his footing.

____

“Harrington, if you _ever _talk about this to anyone-“__

______ _ _

“I won’t” He said quickly. “I won’t.”

______ _ _

“Good.”

______ _ _

Steve set up the guest room for Max and then showed Billy to his room, while he was getting blankets out from the bottom of his wardrobe.  
“I’m gonna be in the living room. Just wake me up if you need anything, shouldn’t be a problem I’m not a deep sleeper.” The air hitched in him as he realised he might have said something that he shouldn’t. What if Billy asked why? He can’t have that kind of conversation right now. He just didn’t feel the energy to lie and Billy definitely _did not _need to hear the truth just yet. But blissfully he didn’t comment on it, although he made a strange face that Steve never seen on him before; concern, worry maybe… he really just wanted to go to sleep.__

________ _ _ _ _

But when his hand was reaching for the doorknob Billy stopped him.

________ _ _ _ _

“Your bed is fucking huge.” Steve furrowed his brows, as he didn’t quite catch what he was saying. Billy rolled his eyes. “I could fit the whole nerd gang into it. Stay.”

________ _ _ _ _

Oh. _Oh. ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He could feel a slight blush creeping up his neck as he just dumbly nodded and put down the blankets on a chair next to the door. He had slept in the same bed with other boys before, but he just assumed that Billy would kill him for suggesting it at all, let alone coming up with the idea himself. He had thick and tall walls built around him. Impenetrable walls, that never seemed to crack and now here they were. Billy technically asking him to _stay. _It made his stomach fill with hotness and the bad feeling he had all day now turned into a weird kind of mixture of anger and nervousness. He was unbearably angry, because Billy’s dad punched little holes on his walls and Steve was sure that at some point they’re going to crumble down and just fucking burry him alive. And he didn’t really know what would that mean. For him, for the kids, _for Billy. _____

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“So are you gonna get into bed, or just stand there like a fucking statue? At least close the door, Jesus.“ Billy’s grumbling woke him from his thoughts as he realised that he was still standing in the doorway, between in and out.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He shook his head, shut the door and started to get rid of his clothes. Billy turned his back on him and it was easier to hide his face this way. Because now, his mind was going down on a very different route than before. He was about to get in bed with Billy freaking Hargrove.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It’s not like they were doing anything, it’s just… things were going on so fine between them, like they seemed to trust each other or at least that’s what he wanted to think. But maybe there was just no one else that Billy could turn to in a situation like this. And that kind of made his heart ache just a little bit. Also he was worried that things might get awkward from now on.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He climbed under the covers and laid there silently for what it felt like eternity, but in reality about an hour long. Just listening how Billy’s breathing slowed down and became more even, how his body loosened up a little bit, but still he didn’t seem to move that much and Steve almost forgot that he’s there, so he turned on his side and watched his back for a while, eventually dozing off.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After that night he quite expected Billy to avoid him again, but on the contrary he started to linger more and sometimes they even drove over to Steve’s, or out to the quarry and just talk and smoke, until they had to go and pick up the kids.  
Their conversations became more in depth and personal, although the walls that Billy put up were standing strong again and if that wasn’t enough Steve had his own ones up as well, not as hard, not as tall, but steady. All in all everything was just fine between them. Just inside of arm length, but fine.

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And then something started to flicker inside Steve’s brain. Every time when Billy smiled at him, _really _smiled, every time he casually touched Steve’s hand when taking a cigarette from him, times when he leaned just a bit too close to him or looked at him in a way that seemed to dare him to do something stupid. He knew what this flicker meant and it worried him. A lot.__

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knew that he liked boys as well as girls, for quite some time now actually. He wasn’t gay, he wasn’t straight, but something in between. Something _weird. _  
So naturally he just pushed the thought deep inside himself. If he thought a boy was attractive, he just found a girl that was more appealing and got her instead. It was the normal thing to do. The easy thing to do.__

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Then he fell in love with Nancy and it was fine, he though they’re gonna be together forever and that he’s gonna be her husband, working for his father, forget about monsters and just act _normal. _But then that went down the drain and although he was happy for her, he really was, but it made him feel hollow somehow. Like he just stepped off a route that seemed so solid and now he was in the dark woods far away from everything; he felt lost.__

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Then came Billy Hargrove. And yes he was attractive, but in itself that would mean nothing. It’s not like Steve was planning on having a one night stand with the biggest asshole in town, who by the way was probably not gay, not even weird, but very much straight. But now it wasn’t about sex.

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He hadn’t felt like this since Nancy, and that wasn’t even the same. With her it was sweet, comfortable and just boring enough that made him feel good in his skin. But Billy made his skin feel like it was boiling and buzzing when he was around Steve. He was hot sure, but his personality kept him on edge all the time, their fights seemed to lull into friendly bantering and their silence became content and Steve liked to spend his time with him. After work, on the weekends, after they took the kids home, just sitting at his pool, talking and not talking and sitting far away and sitting close, so god damn _close. ___

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knew that he was screwed and he knew that he should just forget it, but that didn’t seemed to happen what so ever. He was utterly and absolutely fucked. And funnily enough he didn’t mind it at all. He would take what he can get and that had to be enough. So he thought.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But now there he was, leaning up to the side of his car and watching Billy puffing out smoke - his smoke to be exact - phrasing the next sentence carefully, before saying it out loud.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You should, I mean you could, if you want, I mean not just you, Max too, of course if you have other plans or whatever.” There goes all the careful phrasing. Right out the fucking window.  
At least it did seem to amuse Billy just enough to have a tiny grin creeping up on the corners of his mouth.  
“Are you gonna spit it out today or?” He made a circling gesture with his right hand indicating… well Steve didn’t really know what it meant to indicate, but people tent to do this when they didn’t finish a question.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He took a deep breath.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do you wanna come over at Christmas?” Got it out on one exhale and he felt so fucking dumb and exposed that he could just climb under his car right now and hide there until Billy leaves. Or forever.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Oh,” was all the response he got and Billy just looked at him with an expressionless face, holding his cigarette between his fingers.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

What was he thinking? Where was the “he takes what he can get”? Wasn’t this pushing it too much? It’s not like he could get anything out of it and that wasn’t the reason at the first place anyways, he reminded himself.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Whatever, man, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to, it’s just… nevermind,” his voice was quiet and weak, as he pushed himself away from the car and started to walk around the hood towards the driver’s side. But then Billy grabbed his arm and turned him right back and looked him in the eye, harshly, that dangerous light flashing in his gaze that made Steve shiver every time. And it wasn’t the bad kind of shiver either. _Damn Billy Hargrove. ___

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s just what?” He asked in a low voice that gave Steve goosebumps. He was leaning in close and Steve had to look away just a bit, just to think, to make sure he says the right thing. And he knew that that was the truth.

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s just that I don’t want you to spend Christmas home, with _him. _My parents aren’t gonna be home, so it would be just us. But, uh, it’s cool if you don’t want to come over, I just thought, I don’t know what I thought, forget it.”__

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I have to be home during the day,” he starts and that wasn’t exactly a no, so that gave Steve enough courage to look at his face again, the colours of the led lights coming from the Arcade paint on his face and turn the shadows deep and long, just like Billy’s eyelashes.  
He had to fucking stop this. It was not helping. _Snap out of it. ___

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“But I can go over after six, no one will give a shit if I’m home or not, but Max is going over to Sinclair’s, so she’s out,” his mouth twitched a little when he mentioned Lucas and Steve internally rolled his eyes. He knew - now - that it was a pretty complicated thing with him and Lucas, because apparently his dad wasn’t fond of… well anyone who wasn’t white actually and Billy tried to protect Max from ever getting in the line of the outcome of Neil finding out, but she just wouldn’t _listen. ___

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Steve tried to explain Billy that they were in love and that probably meant more to Max than she was scared of Neil really, but Billy was stubborn as ever and although he wouldn’t make a move against Lucas anymore - not since the bat incident - but still seemed to strongly disagree.  
At least they could agree on that if she goes out with Lucas they tell their parents that she’s with someone else. Not like Neil could find out, he worked ‘til pretty late and didn’t really leave the house much after work, even if he did then he took Susan somewhere out of town, so it was safe. At least he’d like to think that. He sighed.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Okay,” he mouthed after a long time just standing there looking at Billy. “But, uh, my parents asked me to help them with the packing, so I’ve gotta go.”

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Sure,” said Billy with his eyebrows still slightly frown as he slowly released Steve’s wrist, where apparently he was still holding him. He gave out a shaky breath and waddled away to the driver’s seat of his car. “See you ‘round.” He didn’t even wait for an answer, he just drove off, straight home.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Christmas was on the next Wednesday, which was less than a week from today. His parents would leave in two days, and he still didn’t quite understand why so early. Apparently they had a conference on the 28th and it was so troublesome to catch planes during the holidays, they decided to just fly off right before fucking Christmas. Steve know it with his mind that his parents loved him and cared for him, but it somehow didn’t change how he felt every time they left him alone in that big, empty house, in the dark with his nightmares. It wasn’t their fault, but then again who else’s fault could it be?

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He felt sour at these thoughts, but a bit of warm spread over his chest as he thought about Billy spending Christmas night with him. And then it struck him. Shit. _Fucking shit. ___

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He’s going to be there in his big, empty house alone with Billy Hargrove, who - by the way - seemed to attract him more than fluorescent light attracted moths and he was afraid that he might just fell into the same fate as them, when meeting with their desire. God he was so pathetic.

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He bumped his forehead to the steering wheel somewhat violently and gave out a muffled groan. He was already in front of his house, but he just so didn’t want to go inside, that the thought offended him, it physically hurt. The excuse he gave to Billy wasn’t untrue per se, but it really wasn’t his intention to help out.

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He sat there for a few more minutes, taking deep breaths, until he gathered himself together and got out of the car, grabbed the bat from the backseat and walked up to the door. He let out a deep sigh and then forced his face into a less nervous mess, as he was trying forcefully not to think about Billy. And failing miserably.

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His parents were gone and Christmas was just around the corner, the school break has already started, so the kids spent most of their time at home or over at each other’s place, so he didn’t really have to drive them around.

_______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But he still had to show up for dinner at the Henderson house, and then at the Wheeler house and of course at the Byers as well, and he liked them and it felt like family even though he had to listen to Mrs Henderson’s cat stories that he actually already heard before at least once, but she was always so happy and excited when she could talk about them and they were so similar with Dustin, who acted just about the same when he talked about Dungeons and Dragons or videogames and it really did make him feel _home. ___

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And then at the Wheelers it was mostly really boring adult stuff. But there was Nance and Jonathan, Mike and Holly - who turned out to be bit of a handful - and it was all fine. At the Byers the kids made the biggest noise and Steve had to realise that he fucking loved it. It was perfect, although it absolutely did not stop him from shouting with them in every twenty minutes, because they almost broke something, or just simply made Joyce make that affectionate but _very weary _face. He helped out with the cooking and the dishes and ended up having a sleep over with the kids spreaded all over the place, there was probably barely an inch of space if that is left unoccupied in the house.__

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After then there was nothing. It was Christmas day and he was at home. He was at home in his fucking big, empty house full of shadows. It wasn’t that bad during the days, the windows were huge, so it was pretty bright, but at the night, everything was different.

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But it was only nine in the morning, so he tried to push the thought away and think about the fact, that Billy’s coming over. That actually didn’t help him much, as he quite forgot about it in the time being while he was off having dinners and playing board games. Now on the other hand, the nervous twitch in his stomach, that he felt after he asked him, came back to life and gave a hard time for him. He tried to be practical about this. Just normal. Causal even.

___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It didn’t work, so he just fumbled around in his kitchen all morning, drinking coffee, smoking too much while preparing some food, so he didn’t have to deal with that later. Because what exactly he was planning on doing with Billy later? He couldn’t just tell him how he felt, nor could he pretend that he was normal, when he was so utterly, obviously _weird. ___

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Time passed surprisingly fast until, at five fifty-seven he heard the Camaro scream up to his driveway and then after a minute he heard a firm knock. He opened the door and found himself in front of Billy Hargrove himself. And it was a bit strange seeing him in the doorway. It’s not that he was surprised to see him but it never happened like this before. They always came into the house together and it just felt so… formal. But based on the expression on Billy’s face he felt just as awkward as him, so that made him feel slightly better.

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“Hey,” he said dumbly and he felt a bit of a push in his stomach, as he looked down, his eyes widened. Billy was shoving a tray of gingerbread into his guts.

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“Here. Max made me bring these. She says Merry Christmas.” It sounded like someone was holding a gun to his back to say this, probably didn’t like to be anyone’s message man.

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“Thanks?” He offered and stepped out of the way to let him in. He felt the cold lingering on his leather jacket brush through him and as he shivered he told himself that it was the only reason.

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By the time he got into the kitchen Billy was already scattering around the cabinets to find a mug to fill with leftover coffee.

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Steve put the tray down on the counter and lit up a cigarette, watching as Billy started to peek into the pots on the stove.

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“Didn’t you say your folks are out?” His voice was genuinely confused and it took a few moments for Steve to understand what he meant.

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“Yeah, no, I made those,” he shrugged as he tapped some ash into the ashtray on the windowsill.

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Billy made a high whistley sound. “I didn’t know you can cook, princess,” he shook his head in disbelief. “You might even turn out to be a worthy wife.”

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Steve just rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help that little smile creeping up on his face.

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They watched tv and smoked inside, because it was way too fucking cold for them to go out and they talked about the last few days. Steve told him about the dinners and mostly about the mess the kids made at the Byers house, then he accidentally mentioned El, so he had to quickly change the subject, after that Billy told him about his days at home, how his dad was pretty much in line up ‘til now, but he’s glad that Max isn’t home, because sometimes he drank too much on Christmas day and let just Susan deal with that.

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They ate late, Steve warmed up the mashed potatoes and the chicken he made, while Billy grabbed the plates and the cutlery and it was downright _domestic _and Steve’s chest ached just a little, as he stirred the potatoes. What the fuck he was thinking? He should go out of his way just to do what? Spend even more time with Billy alone? He couldn’t- he _won’t _confess to him anyways and it just made Steve longing after him more and wasn’t he just fucking pathetic?____

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“You alright there?” Billy’s voice came through the fog of his thoughts.

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“Yeah, uh, yeah, sure, why?” _Pathetic. ___

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“You were staring at the damn wall for like five minutes,” he answered with a half-hearted shrug, but his eyes never left Steve’s face.

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“I was… thinking.”

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“Ugh, you’re pretty enough, shouldn’t try this hard,” he teased and it made Steve roll his eyes yet again.

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“Fuck you.”

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“You wish.” And that right there, was a full blown grin on Billy’s face. Steve quickly found a distraction in the task of getting the food on the plates. He got out two trays from the bottom cabinet and they made their way back to the living room.

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Steve decided to put a Christmas tape into his stereo, the one he got from Nancy two years ago and he just loved the warm, sweet tones and now that he wasn’t alone it didn’t feel all that bittersweet , it felt good.

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_Of course _Billy snorted out a laugh as soon as the music started to play.__

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“What?” He snapped, although he knew the answer very well.

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“Are you for real? Christmas carols? Really?”

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“Why? I think they’re nice…”

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“Of course you do, you’re such a fucking sap!” Billy exclaimed as his chuckling grown into a small laughter. And Steve just couldn’t find it in himself to be angry. He felt content, he felt safe.

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“’am not! And I let you know, listening to Christmas carols at _Christmas _is fucking normal! That’s what they're for!” And yes, he knew a lot about doing normal stuff. Not about being normal, but pretending, doing all the stuff that normal people do, that normal teenagers do, go to parties, eat out, go to the cinema and not talk about his empty house and his parents that spent more time in their Chicago apartment than at home and they still chewed him out for shit he did or didn’t do when they’ve got back. Just pretend to be normal and it’ll be fine. Always fine.__

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“You got that stupid face on again,” Billy said and his voice was concerned and it almost made Steve flutter, expect that he remembered: they were friends now. Friends worry about each other and it meant nothing more.

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“It’s nothing.”  
“It’s clearly not, or you would tell me,” he answered matter of factly, pointing at him with his fork.  
“Or it’s nothing so there is nothing to tell,” Steve suggested, although it was a lie and he was sure Billy wasn’t buying it. But he couldn’t talk about it anyways. Government and all.

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“You’re a shitty liar, you knew that?” He shook his head and went back to finish up his dinner. “But not a bad cook,” added with a mouth half full and the compliment made Steve feel warm on the inside.

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After they ate, they lingered around a little bit, but when Steve started to nod off a couple of times, Billy had enough and declared bed time, so they walked upstairs, leaving all the plates in the living room. Billy found the shirt he usually slept in, which was actually a present for Steve a few years back from one of his aunts, but it was two size bigger, so it fit Billy just fine. Steve changed his shirt and dropped his pants and then they got into bed. And it felt awkward all of a sudden.

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They shared a bed a few times already since the first night, but it was different now. There was no Dustin, no Max, no one in the other rooms. It was only him and Billy in the whole god damn house. And it felt scary for him and just oddly too quiet.

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He was looking at the ceiling, although he knew it well that he can’t sleep lying on his back. He heard shuffling from his side and he turned his head so he could look at Billy. In the darkness, in the safety of Steve’s sheets and pillows he always looked different; young and clean. The anger, the bruises and all the tantrums seemed far away when they were in bed together. Bed together. Every time he thought about this like that, it gave him goosebumps.

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He takes what he can get, right? Maybe, probably that’s all he’s ever gonna get, but that was fine too. Billy was always more relaxed when they were like this and it made Steve feel good that he can give a place for him, where he’s not abused, not afraid, where he can be just himself, even with his walls up and it’s worth it, fucking worth it.

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“Hey,” came the soft voice. He turned on his side as well, so they were looking at each other in the dark. Billy’s eyes were so bright and so blue, they looked like flashlights in the forest.

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“Hey yourself.”

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“You know it was… today was… “ he was looking for the right words and Steve could understand that saying nice things without trying to tease was pretty hard for Billy, but maybe it was easier in the dark. “Thanks for inviting me,” he said finally.

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“Yeah, it’s nothing, really,” he was glad for the lack of light, because based on the heat he felt on his neck was definitely making his skin red.

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“Is it the same nothing that made you phase out today?” he asked and it was barely a whisper but they laid so close, he could feel Billy’s breath brushing up against his cheeks and smell the faint aroma of the last cigarette they smoke together.

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“Yeah, I guess so,” he didn’t see the point in lying. Apparently he was a sucky liar anyways. And he wasn’t gonna elaborate. Just leave it at that. Simple.

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He was looking at Billy’s chest, analysing the way his shirt crumbled up between his body and the mattress.

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“Steve.” He felt Billy’s hand touching and slightly lifting his chin to make Steve look him right in the eye. He didn’t say anything, but his face was different than anything Steve had ever seen from him before. He couldn’t even fool himself, it was so obvious that what he saw was lust and the determination of a predator who just spotted a very delicate prey. And that was him.

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“Billy, what-?”

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He couldn’t finish it, because Billy leaned in, still holding his chin firmly and just kissed him. Steve’s mind went from hazy, sleepy grey to screaming vivid white. Billy kissed him and just what the fuck? He reminded himself to kiss back and it was a-mazing.

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It was hot and passionate, tongue straight away, but it didn’t last long, as Billy pulled back and he was just looking at him through foggy eyes.

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“I wanted to do this for fucking months,” he admitted and it was like a guilty little secret and Steve didn’t want it to be that, it was the best fucking thing that _ever _happened to him and he was not gonna feel shit about it, not this time and he didn’t want Billy to feel that way either.__

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“Me too,“ he all but whispered and brought up his hand to caress Billy’s face, then slid his fingers in that curly blond hair and he wanted to do this. For. So. Long.

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And it was even better, than he ever imagined, because Billy just kissed him and it was all real. His heart was about to break through his ribs.

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“You know what a fucking tease you are? Jesus, I think I jerked off thinking about you more times, than I ever jerked off in my whole life,” his voice was thick and raspy and Steve’s mouth just went fully dry.

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“Yeah?” he breathed out and he felt his dick waking up, slowly making his underwear tighter with every second. Billy’s hand started to wander down from his chin towards his chest and his belly.

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“Yeah. I thought about you, how would it feel to get your dick in my mouth, how would it taste, what sounds you would make.” He lifted himself up, so he could crowd Steve into the mattress.

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“Jesus, Billy,” he whined, as Billy’s hand slid even more down and stopped just under his navel, while his mouth found its way to his ear.

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“Yeah,” he went on. “I thought about it every day,” he bit his earlobe just a bit too harsh and Steve couldn’t stop an embarrassing little sound escaping his mouth. “How you would moan, while I’d suck you, deep in my throat.”

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Steve couldn’t contain himself anymore and grabbed Billy’s wrist, guiding his hand onto his hardness. He faintly thought about being hard enough to drill diamonds and it made him smile for a second, until a deep guttural groan broke out of him as Billy started to rub his thumb against his head.

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“God, you’re so impatient,” he huffed out and Steve was about to fucking lose it and became restless. He reached out to put his hand flat against Billy’s chest, brushing his fingers ever so slightly over his right nipple, the effect followed immediately in a form of a sharp, broken exhale. He brought his hands down, slowly cherishing his gorgeous abs, but reaching the band of his briefs he was down to business straight away, he hooked his thumbs in, to lift the elastic off from his body and slid his hand inside, wrapping his fingers around his member which was just as hard as his, it felt hot and heavy and he thought about doing this so many times and he never really expected it to actually happen. And it was intoxicating and just fucking _hot. ___

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Billy quickly got bored of working him through his underwear and yanking it off he freed Steve’s dick and very unashamedly looked him over.

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“Look at you, giving yourself up so easily.” He worked on him and he matched up the pace with the one Steve was setting.

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“You’re not the only one who wanted this for a long time.” It was pretty hard to create coherent sentences with Billy’s hand was on him and his cock in his, but it became increasingly harder, as Billy started to make these soft, panting moans and his grip tightened around him and Steve was fucking _losing it. ___

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“I wanna suck you,” he said and it was like he was asking for permission and that was weird because who in their right mind would say no to a blow job from those perfect pink lips?

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“Billy” he whined out and he concentrated all his focus on the next word, because he was sure that was all he can manage at this state. “ _Please. _”__

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And then Billy kissed him and it was even more heated then the first one, it was a bit sloppy and all teeth and absolute perfection. He climbed over him and that was a great opportunity for Steve to move his hands around and grab Billy’s ass, grind them together and make them groan out load simultaneously. Billy pressed a wet, open mouthed kiss on the middle of Steve’s chest, then ran his tongue over his nipples one by one. They hardened instantly and Steve never thought that he was this sensitive, but then Billy lowered himself even more, pressing one last kiss on his belly.  
Wasting no more time, he mouthed on his head, then let it slide deep down, ‘til the back of his throat and it made Steve’s eyes roll back into his skull and his hips to arch even further into Billy’s mouth. He could feel that his gagging reflex is right there, but he just ignored it and he was _fucking good at this. ___

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He just simply wiped Steve’s mind clear with his god damn mouth. He didn’t remember when he put his hands into Billy’s hair, but he was digging his nails into his scalp and god, it made him moan around his dick and it was just. Too much.

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He was about to come embarrassingly fast.

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“Billy, I’m- I’m gonna” he panted out and he wasn’t sure if Billy heard him at all, because he was going at it the same, if not more furious. And there it was, the climax announcing itself with a tiny hitched sound back in his throat as his mouth opened wide and he felt like the world was just being washed away and everything was warm and white and he never in his life had an orgasm quite like this before. Billy Hargrove was a talented man.

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When he finally could, he looked down, just to see him getting off his cock with a filthy wet sound and he just wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and crawled over Steve once again, just to give him a taste of himself. It was bitter and it was weird, but at the same time this was the sexiest experience of his life, better than any sex, blowjobs, wanks and fantasies he ever had.

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He ran his hands all over Billy’s body, from his neck to his shoulder, to his side, his spine, his perfectly shaped, hard ass and finally to his still very hard penis that screamed for attention, wet from precum and god, Steve always thought it would be weird to jerk off someone else, even though he knew he wanted to do it, but he just assumed that it would feel very off at the first time. But it felt right, Billy in his hand felt just fucking right.

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“You feel so fucking good.” Now, that he was still aroused, but pleasantly over a mind blowing orgasm he finally felt like he can talk again.

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“And- I’m not even the one- doing the work- right now,” he panted through gritted teeth while vigorously fucking into Steve’s hand. He was close, he could tell by how slick he became from precum and by the face he was making; his mouth agape, his brows slightly furrowed and he gripped Steve’s shoulders hard enough to bruise. So he held him firmly and worked him fast from the tip to the base and Billy gave out a shaky moan and it was better than any porn. Way better.

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In this pose, Billy on top of him, panting and moaning in his hand and gripping him bruisingly strong, the thought of fucking him and letting him fuck him flashed in front of his eyes, and just do this over and over again and he felt becoming hard all over again just from thinking about that, but he concentrated his attention on Billy as he rode himself towards his climax.

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He came with a loud groan, that broke deep from his throat and sprayed his seed all over his and Steve’s chest and belly and it was a glorious mess.

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He rolled off of him and they laid there, beside each other, panting and- naked? Steve didn’t remember taking their clothes off. Although it didn’t seem to matter that much in the afterglow of sex.

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“I didn’t think you’d put out this soon, princess,” he teased, but there was barely any energy in his voice.

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“Yeah? You went down on me after a kiss, I’m sure that counts for something,” he answered likewise and grinned like an idiot. Of course he got a pillow in his face as revenge. Kind of.

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They laid there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, until their breath caught a normal rhythm. Steve stared at the ceiling and tried so hard not to think, but he couldn’t just avoid all of this to penetrate his mind. They’re gonna have to talk about monsters and jobs and promises and nightmares and he was not ready for that. He wanted to be in this moment, just pretend that he can have this, but it was just so hard.

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“You’re making that fucking face again,” Billy was propped up on his elbow and his expression was lingering on the edge of anger and concern.

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“Billy. Are we doing this?” he asked instead of an actual answer.

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“You mean this?” he gestured between them questioningly.

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“Yeah, this,“ he mimicked the gesture. “Because if we do… there’s some serious shit I need to talk to you about.”

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“How serious?” he raised one eyebrow and Steve pursed his lips in response. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to bring this up after all. It was too soon.

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“It’s noth-“

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“Fucking say nothing one more time and I’m gonna punch your face in. Just spit it out, Steve!” He was very obviously losing his patience, but Steve couldn’t find it in him to tell him everything right now, all from the beginning to the end. He shouldn’t bring this up, what was wrong with him? What kind of person brings up monster hunting after sex, really? He groaned out loud.

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“Okay it’s _something _, but it can wait until tomorrow,” he settled.__

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He could see the debate on Billy’s face, as he negotiated with himself probably between forcing Steve to talk right now or just let it go. He let out a slow exhale.

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“Fine. First thing tomorrow.”

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“Sure, man, fine.“ He hoped that Billy would believe him, although most likely he wouldn’t. Maybe if he asked Max to hell him, or ask Hopper, but he would probably kill him with his bare hands, because he knew it very well that he wasn’t supposed to talk about this at all, it was top secret government shit. But he wanted to tell about it to Billy for a long time, even if they wouldn’t have ended up like this in his bed.

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But now it just seemed stupid to even try. He was starting to get a headache.

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But then he felt Billy’s hand on his neck, turning him so they were face to face.

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“Whatever is on your mind, cut it out. You’re pissing me off.” He was sure he’s telling the truth, but the way his fingers were rubbing circles on his neck and slowly moving downwards to his collarbone he got the idea, that he wasn’t at all that mad.

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“Yeah? Then how ‘bout you distract me?” he mustered the most innocent expression he could and saw Billy’s eyebrows rising.

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“You’re such a bitch,” he grinned like this was the biggest compliment he ever gave to Steve. Maybe it was.

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“What can I say? Just can’t get enough of you,” he said but only half-jokingly. Billy grabbed his side and rolled Steve on top of himself and started to kiss him slow, all tongue and wetness. And Steve would lie if he said that didn’t help forgetting about tomorrow just a little bit.

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**Author's Note:**

> Well, there you have it! Thanks for making it to the end. By the way I tried to use mostly american phrases, but I might have slipped up on that here and there. Whoops.  
> Also I cover about a year in this fic and I just kind of swept graduation and starting to work under the carpet, but it happened I swear, it's just not mentioned.


End file.
